The Prelude

So, when I lost it with my 13 year old, it wasn't out of the blue. She has definitely been a child who has made me work for my mommy status. Don't get me wrong, she is loving, caring and empathic to a fault. Most times that is the root of the trouble she gets into. She does however, suffer from a selfish ego. She loves to help people, but at the same time, has no regard to how her actions affect others. So, with her we try to find the balance. We don't want to squash her giving spirit, but she needs to look outside herself as well. I have examples of both sides of her:
1. When she was 8 years old I had brought her to the local clinic to see her doctor for and illness. While there, she spotted a basket with stationary, envelopes and pens with a note asking people to drop a note to servicemen. She immediately jumped to the task and wrote a wonderful Thank You letter and signed her first name and age. The next week, that letter was copied and printed in the paper causing quite the commotion locally, declaring her selfless act for all to see. She demanded I contact the paper- not to give away her identity, but to ensure the letter was in fact sent to the troops, not published in the paper. (I did not contact the paper to conceal her identity).
2. She got caught stealing a friends pencils in the second grade. When the teacher confronted her about it, she said that she wanted the pencils because they were prettier then hers. She knew it was wrong. She knew it was stealing, but her urge to take those pencils out weighed her urge of self control.

Since that incident in second grade we have battled this selfish monster. She would hoard candy and food, steal any money that was laying around and take anything she thought should be hers, even though she knew she would get caught and have consequences. No threat would stop her. No punishment would stop her. I was raising a kleptomaniac. Other the years we tried punishments of hard labor, visits from a local police officer and taking away privileges. The latter is tougher as our
kids don't  have alot of the same privileges as other kids. (That's a whole other blog post)

So, the latest extreme "punishment" came a few months ago. I was putting our youngest child, age 4, to bed when I noticed the bottom was out of her piggy bank. When I questioned her about it she claimed "Sissy" needed a quarter. When I inspected what was left in the piggy bank I found only play money. Not a red flag as most of the kids money is kept in separate buckets downstairs out of their rooms. So, I asked Sissy about it and was told that she bet somebody at school 50cents about something and was a quarter short so she borrowed it. She answered so nonchalantly. So I asked where her $60 she had earned over the summer went. Then I started to get a run around and inconsistent answers and the "I'm Lying" look that she thinks I can't see. I sent her to bed and waited for dad to come home on his break. When he did, he suggested we look at the other tubs in the cupboard "just to see". I was absolutely floored when I opened her two younger siblings buckets to find them EMPTY. My heart sank. Not only had she betrayed her siblings and stole from small children, she lied about it.

Welcome to my first ever blog. After an enlightening moment with my 13 year old daughter last night, I felt compelled to share my parenting experience as I have done it. This is not advice, this is simply how My husband and I parent out children. I have been told by others that not only are we unreasonable in our techniques, but we are unrealistic. Our parenting is an ever changing machine. We put in how we were raised by our parents, and take out what we didn't like, add in what is necessary due to the changing world around us, and most of all, add from our own experience, while never forgetting where we came from or what kind of children we want to put out in this world. I think that is a main key most parents today are missing. The big picture. What kind of adult will your child be? That is our main goal, and we try to mold that every day. There is not one simple answer for any of it, no simple pill and no simple sit down visit with your child. It has been an on going open conversation, paired with strict discipline to achieve what we have. Do I think we have finally hit the 'super parent" status? Nope. Long ways to go. But every step in that relationship should be celebrated and our parenting tweaked as it goes. That's why I decided to create this page. I had a 16 year old coworker tell me that if I was her mother she would have run away, on the same day my daughter tells me she can talk to me like one of her best friends. Let me set you straight now. I am not my children's friends and this has never been a goal of mine. I am their parent. Not their friend. But for my daughter to say that, it tells me we have a line of communication between us that very few mothers have with their teenage daughters. Wow- you say, big deal. Your kid likes you today. Considering where she came from in the last few months, this is huge. I will elaborate more on my next post, but here's a hint of whats to come......
This child that is finally seeing the light is the one that over a period of a year and half stole over $200 from her younger siblings. She was meet with the harshest discipline I have ever dealt out. Her room was stripped of everything but her bed and clothes.  She is not allowed anywhere without and adult. She must empty her pockets and bags upon entering the house. Oh, and she got nothing for Christmas. Meanest mom in the world you say????? We'll see.......